He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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