Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Of course I have a pirate flag
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
