Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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