the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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