erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
