he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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