ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
