I cockslap morals
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
