and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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