it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
