remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
