Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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