I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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