Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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