Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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