i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
