I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
that's an acceptable place to lick
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
