Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
