Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome