i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
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Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
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and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.