a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough