How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.