that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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