I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
