its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
