Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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