my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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