so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
