I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
