remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
