homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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