david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
