Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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