slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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