Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
