Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize