What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
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Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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