Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
