I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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