Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
