I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
