This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
