please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
