I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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