I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
