So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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