Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
