FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
