Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
