i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
