So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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