I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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