Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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