There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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