Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
