If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
