shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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