Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize