like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
