Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
