I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I will be naked everywhere
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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