I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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