Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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