this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
