apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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